


There Are Only Three Things Certain In Life

by havocthecat



Category: NCIS
Genre: Banter, Gen, Gen Fic, Rivalry, Snark, Taxes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-07
Updated: 2005-03-07
Packaged: 2017-11-05 18:39:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/409711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havocthecat/pseuds/havocthecat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are only three things certain in life.  Death, taxes, and Tony DiNozzo's continual need to pick on McGee.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There Are Only Three Things Certain In Life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [celli](https://archiveofourown.org/users/celli/gifts).



> Originally posted [here on LJ](http://havocthecat.livejournal.com/170930.html).

"McGee, what do you think you're doing?" Gibbs asked as he strode through the room toward his desk. If Kate hadn't known better, she'd have thought Gibbs sounded...plaintive underneath his harsh tone.

"Uh, I'm doing Tony's taxes," said McGee, flushing and barely avoiding stammering.

"And why," Gibbs bit out, "are you doing DiNozzo's taxes?" Kate knew that voice. That voice didn't bode well for either of the boys. Tony was in it for foisting his taxes off on McGee. McGee was in trouble for actually letting Tony get away with it. Kate smirked to herself, but quickly opened up her case file as Gibbs sent a sharp glance in her direction. It'd be hard to enjoy hearing Tony get chewed out if she was in trouble too.

"Well, because, he was trying to do them this morning," said McGee, fidgeting with his pencil, and looking bashful. Probies. They really were like little puppy dogs sometimes. God, that sounded like something DiNozzo would say. Kate wrinkled her nose and tried to watch McGee blushing without making it look like she was watching. Gibbs was probably noticing it. The Secret Service had _nothing_ on Gibbs. But he wasn't sure what his withholding was, and when I asked him if he had any accrual from interest-bearing accounts he said he didn't even know what that meant." McGee glanced over at Kate. Poor baby. He was going to have to sink or swim on his own on this one. "And the next thing I knew, he said he had to run out of here to interrogate a suspect, and I figured that I may as well finish them before he gets back."

"McGee," said Gibbs firmly. "Do _not_ let DiNozzo tell you he doesn't know how to do his taxes."

"He tried to get me to do his taxes last year," interjected Kate, not looking up from her report. "I told him to hire an accountant. I gave him the name of one. A friend of mine from college. Blond, good-looking. He tried to hit on her. Then he asked if he could look at my files." She paused. Damn. She hadn't meant to get involved. Ah, well. Anything to get under Tony's skin, especially if he wasn't here to defend himself. "She's still not speaking to me."

"And you let me sit here doing this--this--mess, Kate!" exclaimed McGee. "I spent an hour and a half just putting his receipts in order! Then I created a spreadsheet to itemize them by what type of expense the receipt was for. Then--"

"I wanted to see how long it was going to take you to figure out he's been collecting receipts from random strangers for six months now just to see if you'd be able to actually put them in some sort of coherent sense of order for his taxes," said Kate, looking up. There was no way in hell she was smirking now. Not with the look Gibbs was giving her.

"He went to an accountant a month ago," said Gibbs evenly. " _Not_ Kate's friend."

"He _what_?" Aw, McGee's eyes were wide. Kate was going to have to bring Abby a Big Gulp with extra crushed ice at lunch and tell her the whole sordid tale. "An accountant! He didn't!"

"He did," said Kate sympathetically.

"Hey, Probie!" exclaimed Tony, walking in with a glass of pop--no lid--in one hand and a jumbo hot dog in the other. "How're those taxes coming?"

"DiNozzo," said Gibbs slowly.

"Oh," said Tony, slowing down and smiling tightly. "Uh, hi, boss. Case is going great. I was just out interviewing the victim's girlfr--" He stopped. "I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

"You-- These--" Looked like McGee had lost the power of speech. Wow. Kate didn't think she'd ever seen him that mad at Tony before. "I can't believe you--" McGee picked up the box of receipts and upended it over Tony's hot dog lunch. Kate and Gibbs burst out laughing. McGee turned to Gibbs and said quietly, "I'm going to go check on the results of the DNA test, Boss." He walked away without waiting for Gibbs to respond.

Tony grimaced at McGee's back. "Some day you'll thank me, Probie! It's a cruel world out there, and I'm just preparing you for it."

Kate smirked. "You've, uh, got something in your hot dog," she said mock-helpfully.

Tony sighed and looked down. Small white scraps of paper were stuck to the ketchup and mustard of his hot dog. Other small scraps of paper floated in his cup.

"You know, I've heard those carbonless paper rolls they use for credit card receipts contain toxic chemicals," said Kate. She hadn't heard that, actually. "I'll bet there's enough acid in Coke to release those chemicals into your pop. I'd check with Abby if I were you." She had to tell Abby stat, before Tony could find an excuse to go down there and ask her. "And I couldn't eat that hot dog if I were you, given that you've been paying the homeless guys down at the park to collect receipts out of the garbage for you."

Gibbs grinned as Tony forlornly dumped his lunch into the trash can. "Boss, mind if I--" He gestured vaguely in the direction of the hot dog stand.

"You gotta be kidding me, DiNozzo," said Gibbs. "There's no way in hell. We're bringing a suspect in to Interrogation in five minutes and you want me to let you take a second lunch break?"

"Yeah, you're right," said Tony. "What could I possibly have been thinking?"

"Thinking, Tony?" asked Kate as she stood up. "I didn't think you were. See you in Interrogation." Some days it was worth it just getting up in the morning. \--end--


End file.
